Previously on this new blog I only added my last post from my original blog, but I feel it would be silly to not have it all together. So here it is
sUNDAY, 8 JULY 2007
The break down of a 'relationship'
So then it happened. He was shocked, I was relieved.
It's not like I hadn't contemplated the idea for the last 2 months of the relationship...or is it 'relationship'? You'd see it coming wouldn't you? It wasn't out of the blue, there were warning signs. Short sharp answers to open ended questions, short hellos and shorter goodbyes, 'Ill check my diary' responses and disconnecting the phone line before He could utter those three dreaded meaningless words. Of course, you'd have to be a blithering idiot not to notice those bright red, glowing neon signs that slapped you around the face when you least expected it...and in case you're wondering, He was a Blithering Idiot.
It did start off pretty good. There was the whole romanticism, the compliments, (even poetry) then slowly but surely the whole 'thing' crumbled into tiny shards of glass, every conversation an effort, an annoyance. Do I really care about what you're up to at the weekend? Most definitely NOT. Blithering Idiot + His small talk + my uber stress= monosyllabic laconic responses on my part ! And then he gets pissed at me when I actually tell him that I honestly don't care about how a gig was (of a band I've never heard of!) or care about how drunk He was the night before. How can you pretend to be interested when you are clearly showing that you don't give a damn and have other things on your mind?
That's another thing, honesty. I quote: 'I want you to be totally honest with me' Ok yep, that's fine by me, but erm, I think you forgot to mention that you were seeing someone about 2 weeks after our 'break-up', I mean, Im sure she's a lovely girl, (if as fugly as) but thanks for letting me know. (Ok so it's technically nothing to do with me, but moving that quick must mean that He liked this Fugly during our 'relationship' or Blithering Idiot was getting close to Fugly in the last two months? ) Well, Blithering Idiot it's not like I heard about her from one of your mates a day after attending 'the-big-social-event-of-the-year', hosted by myfriends on my expense after discussing the break-up, with us being 'okay...nothing to talk about' . Oh no, of course not. And the issue was that I believed He was an honest person, how wrong was I! The Blithering Idiot thought that I'd favor cowardice over honesty. Idiot.
Now, the funny thing is that I laughed when I heard that He was seeing someone else. Now you're probably thinking that I laughed in a I'm-laughing-because-if-I-don't-I-will-cry way, but it was, in fact more like I'm-laughing-because-I-should-be-hurt-right-now-but-I-honestly-don't-care sort of way (to be more accurate) Splendid :]] I should have sat and cried, you know that whole tissue box and chocolates type scenario, but in fact, I informed my friends that the Blithering Idiot was seeing someone new and I was bloody happy about it!
Funny that, I experience what Aristotle would call peripetia except this reversal of fortune was in my favor when it probably shouldn't have been. Don't worry, my only hubris is that I'm fine with it all, which means that I probably never cared enough. That would explain why I put relationship in inverted commas without even thinking about it. Where is Freud when I need a consult? No dreams of Him, snakes or such like, means I'm in the clear emotionally (so far) ergo I never really cared enough to get hurt towards the end. Like He said (in a less intelligible expression) 'We are two very different people brought up in two very different worlds where neither of us can imagine what it's like to live in each others worlds, making us less compatible than we had thought' or as I had simply put, we fell in love with the idea of each other. Cliché but very true.
Young love never pulls through, and so we move on, more steadfast, more wise and knowledgeable into the next pool of fish on our tiresome quest for love.
It's not like I hadn't contemplated the idea for the last 2 months of the relationship...or is it 'relationship'? You'd see it coming wouldn't you? It wasn't out of the blue, there were warning signs. Short sharp answers to open ended questions, short hellos and shorter goodbyes, 'Ill check my diary' responses and disconnecting the phone line before He could utter those three dreaded meaningless words. Of course, you'd have to be a blithering idiot not to notice those bright red, glowing neon signs that slapped you around the face when you least expected it...and in case you're wondering, He was a Blithering Idiot.
It did start off pretty good. There was the whole romanticism, the compliments, (even poetry) then slowly but surely the whole 'thing' crumbled into tiny shards of glass, every conversation an effort, an annoyance. Do I really care about what you're up to at the weekend? Most definitely NOT. Blithering Idiot + His small talk + my uber stress= monosyllabic laconic responses on my part ! And then he gets pissed at me when I actually tell him that I honestly don't care about how a gig was (of a band I've never heard of!) or care about how drunk He was the night before. How can you pretend to be interested when you are clearly showing that you don't give a damn and have other things on your mind?
That's another thing, honesty. I quote: 'I want you to be totally honest with me' Ok yep, that's fine by me, but erm, I think you forgot to mention that you were seeing someone about 2 weeks after our 'break-up', I mean, Im sure she's a lovely girl, (if as fugly as) but thanks for letting me know. (Ok so it's technically nothing to do with me, but moving that quick must mean that He liked this Fugly during our 'relationship' or Blithering Idiot was getting close to Fugly in the last two months? ) Well, Blithering Idiot it's not like I heard about her from one of your mates a day after attending 'the-big-social-event-of-the-year', hosted by myfriends on my expense after discussing the break-up, with us being 'okay...nothing to talk about' . Oh no, of course not. And the issue was that I believed He was an honest person, how wrong was I! The Blithering Idiot thought that I'd favor cowardice over honesty. Idiot.
Now, the funny thing is that I laughed when I heard that He was seeing someone else. Now you're probably thinking that I laughed in a I'm-laughing-because-if-I-don't-I-will-cry way, but it was, in fact more like I'm-laughing-because-I-should-be-hurt-right-now-but-I-honestly-don't-care sort of way (to be more accurate) Splendid :]] I should have sat and cried, you know that whole tissue box and chocolates type scenario, but in fact, I informed my friends that the Blithering Idiot was seeing someone new and I was bloody happy about it!
Funny that, I experience what Aristotle would call peripetia except this reversal of fortune was in my favor when it probably shouldn't have been. Don't worry, my only hubris is that I'm fine with it all, which means that I probably never cared enough. That would explain why I put relationship in inverted commas without even thinking about it. Where is Freud when I need a consult? No dreams of Him, snakes or such like, means I'm in the clear emotionally (so far) ergo I never really cared enough to get hurt towards the end. Like He said (in a less intelligible expression) 'We are two very different people brought up in two very different worlds where neither of us can imagine what it's like to live in each others worlds, making us less compatible than we had thought' or as I had simply put, we fell in love with the idea of each other. Cliché but very true.
Young love never pulls through, and so we move on, more steadfast, more wise and knowledgeable into the next pool of fish on our tiresome quest for love.
MONDAY, 2 APRIL 2007
Friendship
You don't really understand how much your friends mean to you until something happens to you. It is then that you see the extent to which your friends appreciate you.
After having an operation I was sent home, feeling tired I lazily switched on my phone and was bombarded with text messages. As soon as I replied to one I had another 7 come through along the lines of 'Hey we heard youre home how are you?'. Personally I wouldnt have thought that they would have cared much, it wasnt anything major it was just that I missed a day seeing them all. But I was overcome with happiness that they cared that much. People you see everyday in one enviornment you think that they are friends with you because you are justthere, but the truth is your friendship extends further. More like family. I like that.
I like the friends that you met summers ago that you can still talk to and things arent awkward. You can still chat about 'that time when...' and talk about present day like you only last saw each other yesterday. I love that, its comforting to know that it can be like how it was.
This year is our final year, our final year of knowing everything about everyone everyday. Our final year of having to go to the same place everyday, sticking to the same timetable, doing the same thing, seeing the same people. I dont think any of us can wait until we leave. We will be launched into life, the unknown, there will be no familiar faces to help us out. We will be left in the untouched forrest of the unknown to fend for ourselves. Some people wont cope, but others will. Its strange, because we know that its our final year. We should be making friendships stronger, but I find that we are getting bored of each other. Im getting sick of people, the same boring, conceited and ignorant people. People I would have considered friends a year ago, I try not to talk to them too much for fear of telling them that I think that they are boring as fuck. I cant help it, I pick out peoples faults. Shame really. But then again, I have been a part of a different group of friends who are so accepting and fill in the void that I had with the 'other' group. They actually make me laugh, the one factor I consider important in friendships is the ability to laugh with and at each other. I couldnt do that on a day to day basis with the 'other' group but I can do it with the new group and I love them all for it. We are still getting to know each other but its magical, to be honest Im probably more likely to stay in touch with some of them than I am with people Ive known for years because we are making the effort. Yet again, its a shame.
Friendships change and evolve into something new, fresh and individual. This evolution we have no control of can become positive or negative but we each remember every individual that we have had a connection to. Each person we have met and remembered in our lives have, in some shape or form, made us who we are today.
After having an operation I was sent home, feeling tired I lazily switched on my phone and was bombarded with text messages. As soon as I replied to one I had another 7 come through along the lines of 'Hey we heard youre home how are you?'. Personally I wouldnt have thought that they would have cared much, it wasnt anything major it was just that I missed a day seeing them all. But I was overcome with happiness that they cared that much. People you see everyday in one enviornment you think that they are friends with you because you are justthere, but the truth is your friendship extends further. More like family. I like that.
I like the friends that you met summers ago that you can still talk to and things arent awkward. You can still chat about 'that time when...' and talk about present day like you only last saw each other yesterday. I love that, its comforting to know that it can be like how it was.
This year is our final year, our final year of knowing everything about everyone everyday. Our final year of having to go to the same place everyday, sticking to the same timetable, doing the same thing, seeing the same people. I dont think any of us can wait until we leave. We will be launched into life, the unknown, there will be no familiar faces to help us out. We will be left in the untouched forrest of the unknown to fend for ourselves. Some people wont cope, but others will. Its strange, because we know that its our final year. We should be making friendships stronger, but I find that we are getting bored of each other. Im getting sick of people, the same boring, conceited and ignorant people. People I would have considered friends a year ago, I try not to talk to them too much for fear of telling them that I think that they are boring as fuck. I cant help it, I pick out peoples faults. Shame really. But then again, I have been a part of a different group of friends who are so accepting and fill in the void that I had with the 'other' group. They actually make me laugh, the one factor I consider important in friendships is the ability to laugh with and at each other. I couldnt do that on a day to day basis with the 'other' group but I can do it with the new group and I love them all for it. We are still getting to know each other but its magical, to be honest Im probably more likely to stay in touch with some of them than I am with people Ive known for years because we are making the effort. Yet again, its a shame.
Friendships change and evolve into something new, fresh and individual. This evolution we have no control of can become positive or negative but we each remember every individual that we have had a connection to. Each person we have met and remembered in our lives have, in some shape or form, made us who we are today.
SATURDAY, 24 MARCH 2007
Many things, many, many things
So, what is it that makes people who they are?
I believe that people are who they are meant to be, who you set out to be is not what you become. There are obstacles in life that stop people from doing what they want. There is an un namedThing that forces them to choose different paths. I believe that each individual has a set of paths reserved for them by theThing. It ultimately decides who they can become if they have the will, determination and power to do so, make sense?. Therefore, if you have will, determination and power as your driving force through life then you can choose the best path that the Thing has for you. You have to fight to be rewarded with the best path, if you are weak and do not challenge what is thrown at you, theThing will give you the first path. But if you fight and challenge and be the best you can, you will receive the best path, the one you deserve.
When someone tells you that you can't do what you want, ask yourself- Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? Then as politly as possible, tell them to fuck off, because you know you can do what you like. I dare you to become the best you can. You want to be a Doctor? Do it. You want to act? Do it. Even if you want to be a insect farmer? Then do it! As long as you are happy and confident with yourself, do it.
Some people mistakingly measure their success on material possessions, like how big their house is, how expensive their car is and I take a step back and ask are they happy? I measure my success on how happy I am, how content I am.
Money, even though it can access different portals in life, it isn't everything (although it may seem like it). When you get that big pay check ask yourself if you should spend it on another HD TV, or save it for a rainy day. Sometimes I see people and they have so much but are unwilling to give. When I say give, I don't mean giving money, I mean showing some humility, a smile and a polite 'Excuse me' instead of a push and a shove to get to their destination. That's what annoys me, some people choose to be rude when they can easily be nice.
Sometimes I smile at people in the street and its strange to see people avert their gaze or take it the wrong way. In this world no-one can smile without a motive. Everyone is suspicious. A shame really, because even though there is a lot of scum that walks the earth, there are of course, many more people who are lovely and totally harmless however society, as always, focuses on the bad points in life. Which is why we must rise above it.
Life is better than we think it is, we plague ourselves with negative thoughts based on societies concepts of what good is, what beauty is, what life is. But I believe that if you have will, determination and power and combine it with a good sense of self you can overcome the negative images that society is giving you, then you can be what you want to be, you can be rewarded with the best path that the Thing has for you. If you put your mind to it and stay true to yourself, you can have anything you want. Aim higher and be the best you can be.
I believe that people are who they are meant to be, who you set out to be is not what you become. There are obstacles in life that stop people from doing what they want. There is an un namedThing that forces them to choose different paths. I believe that each individual has a set of paths reserved for them by theThing. It ultimately decides who they can become if they have the will, determination and power to do so, make sense?. Therefore, if you have will, determination and power as your driving force through life then you can choose the best path that the Thing has for you. You have to fight to be rewarded with the best path, if you are weak and do not challenge what is thrown at you, theThing will give you the first path. But if you fight and challenge and be the best you can, you will receive the best path, the one you deserve.
When someone tells you that you can't do what you want, ask yourself- Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? Then as politly as possible, tell them to fuck off, because you know you can do what you like. I dare you to become the best you can. You want to be a Doctor? Do it. You want to act? Do it. Even if you want to be a insect farmer? Then do it! As long as you are happy and confident with yourself, do it.
Some people mistakingly measure their success on material possessions, like how big their house is, how expensive their car is and I take a step back and ask are they happy? I measure my success on how happy I am, how content I am.
Money, even though it can access different portals in life, it isn't everything (although it may seem like it). When you get that big pay check ask yourself if you should spend it on another HD TV, or save it for a rainy day. Sometimes I see people and they have so much but are unwilling to give. When I say give, I don't mean giving money, I mean showing some humility, a smile and a polite 'Excuse me' instead of a push and a shove to get to their destination. That's what annoys me, some people choose to be rude when they can easily be nice.
Sometimes I smile at people in the street and its strange to see people avert their gaze or take it the wrong way. In this world no-one can smile without a motive. Everyone is suspicious. A shame really, because even though there is a lot of scum that walks the earth, there are of course, many more people who are lovely and totally harmless however society, as always, focuses on the bad points in life. Which is why we must rise above it.
Life is better than we think it is, we plague ourselves with negative thoughts based on societies concepts of what good is, what beauty is, what life is. But I believe that if you have will, determination and power and combine it with a good sense of self you can overcome the negative images that society is giving you, then you can be what you want to be, you can be rewarded with the best path that the Thing has for you. If you put your mind to it and stay true to yourself, you can have anything you want. Aim higher and be the best you can be.
POSTED BY MARIE PRIOR-REANO AT 08:24 0 COMMENTS
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